I like to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas

Having a weight problem freaking sucks, it's plain and simple. You have to constantly watch what you eat, and God forbid you smell a brownie you gain 10 lbs. I've always had a weight problem since I was little, mine though stems from a hypoactive thyroid. Now I'm in no way trying to blame my thyroid for all of my weight problems, because I'm not exactly the most active person to begin with; but even younger when I was very active I was still the over weight kid. It seems not matter how healthy I am and much/often I exercise I lose weight at the pace of a turtle. At one point I was doing 16 miles on a stationary bike in 40 minutes, and I stayed the same as I was the last time I weighed myself.

In a society where there is such a big emphasis on weight and being the size of a pinky, so to speak, it's hard for bigger people to be self-confident. It also doesn't help when they are picked on relentlessly and sometimes driven to nervous breakdowns. I was actually pushed to literally the edge of a nervous breakdown, before my mom finally pulled me out of school. Granted I had a lot of other health issues going on I couldn't take the everyday comments and feeling that every whisper was about me. I was driven to the point of paranoia. They couldn't possibly be talking about someone else, no they were all out against me. Now I realize how stupid that sounds, but at the time that was the only explanation for it.

Since then I've focused on loosing weight for myself, not for my parents or family. For ME! And let me tell you that was the best thing I could have ever done. Once YOU realize you need to loose weight for you, to better your health, you feel more confident. I walk taller now, instead of slouching. I'm still me and if people can't realize that, because they think I'm fat then that's their problem, because they are missing out on getting to know a kind, caring, loving and loyal person. The biggest thing I learned is not to focus on a number and do it for yourself. Not for anyone else, because you'll have more success if you do it for yourself.

Right now I'm drinking meal replacement shakes every other day at lunch. Drinking the shakes has been a very hard transition, because I love food. I like the feeling of food and chewing the food. However I'm not the kind of person that likes to be full until they can't breath. I know when to stop, and I do.

I just wish there was a magic cure.

Ohhh, shiny things!

*puts shiny thing in drawer*

I'm very sorry that I forgot about updating, but well I got distracted by my shiny necklace *g*. Anyways there have been a lot of new things going on, which I will take the time to explain below.

I have been continuing with my diet, which is...going. I've been working with my doctor and the motivation has increased big time. I feel guiltier about not working out and not eating healthy, because I know she's going to see it. She's been having me write down what I'm eating and how much I'm exercising, and it's working. The last time I went to the doctors was two weeks after I started and I'd lost 4 lbs (In total since October I've lost 9lbs). Unfortunately, I wasn't as excited as she seemed to be. I guess it's because I'm the one that's going to Sicily in June and I know the rude comments that people are going to make. I just have to keep telling myself that I'm better than they are, and know what problems I have. They can continue to be ignorant and hurtful, it won't affect who I am on the inside. All I can do is continue what I'm already doing, I can do this.

School has been, going...I'm working hard and getting there. Graduation has never been so close. The other day while I was working my teacher comes to me and asks me if we can talk before I leave for the day. Fearing the worst I told her since it was break time we could talk now, but then the counselor came in and she told me we'd talk after break. Once the counselor left she called me back into her little office area and asked me if I would write and read the speech at graduation. I nearly threw up thinking about having to read a speech in front of everyone, but I accepted. What was I going to do say no? So now she's all excited and is going to pull previous speeches for me to look at so I can write mine. *holds head and tries not to fret*

I'm going to try and update more, hopefully...so with this I bid ye farewell.

Help Get TCC Back To It's Greatness!

I belong to a really cool forum for footy, as in the European variety...not the American one, well lately participation has dropped so I'm appealing to you. Please join and make it became great again! It has Primer League Boards, Serie A, La Liga...and anything a true fangirl could ask for. So please join! It's not that hard and I guarantee you'll love it!

http://centercircle.proboards.com/index.cgi